


And all the Light is Gone

by deanwinchestersdick



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:37:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanwinchestersdick/pseuds/deanwinchestersdick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Except this time it’s all different.<br/>This time the porcelain doesn’t quite feel familiar.<br/>And the linoleum has changed, I swear.<br/>And has this bathtub always been this small?<br/>And have you always coughed this loudly?<br/>That’s more blood than last time.<br/>And the time before that.<br/>Combined.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And all the Light is Gone

You are dying, and that’s fair, I suppose; we all die.  
But the way the world is taking you is not fair.  
Clutching your chest and heaving in the night, and watching drops of your own blood hit the sink, the bed, the floor, your hands, my hands as I hold you when you lose your balance and fall.  
And you lie awake and look at the ceiling and try to forget that we cannot stay together in the way that we are now.  
And I lie awake as I pretend to sleep and try with all that is in me not to sob.  
I lie awake and I feel the hot tears painting my cheeks as they fall silently; almost anti-climactic in their peacefulness.  
We lie awake in the same bed and try not to crave eternities with each other.  
We try not to touch; try to distance ourselves from the other because we know we can’t get used to having someone to hold onto in our own separate darknesses.  
But we always end up the same;  
Always end up with arms tangled around each other and faces distorted; painted with emotion and all the things we try not to say out loud.  
And we both cry, and you cry until you cough and you cough until you are spurting blood, and I carry you to the bathroom.  
Again.  
Except this time it’s all different.  
This time the porcelain doesn’t quite feel familiar.  
And the linoleum has changed, I swear.  
And has this bathtub always been this small?  
And have you always coughed this loudly?  
That’s more blood than last time.  
And the time before that.  
Combined.  
“Come on, Cas, it’s gonna be okay.  
Just like always.  
You just gotta cough it out.  
There ya go, see?  
The coughing stops.  
Here, rinse your mouth with this, you’re okay.  
Cas?  
Cas, open your eyes!”  
And you fall over, just like always.  
But instead of fighting your way back to the surface just like always  
Your body is heavy in my arms.  
So heavy.  
And you’re not clinging to me.  
Why aren’t you clinging to me?  
“Open your eyes, Cas.  
Goddammit, Cas just open your fucking eyes!  
Cas, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. . .”  
And I say it until the words don’t make sense anymore.  
And I say it like a prayer that I know isn’t heard.  
And my knees are hurting, pressed into the floor,  
And you’re cradled in my arms,  
Just like always.  
Except you’re not lazily telling me you’re sorry.  
And you’re not asking me to carry you back to bed.  
And you’re not breathing.  
And all the light is gone from this world.

**Author's Note:**

> I've never posted any of my writing on ao3 before, so please be nice! But constructive criticism is always welcome!


End file.
